Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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