Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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