I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
