did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
