Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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