He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
