STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
why is half of my head shaved?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
