just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
