I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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