walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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