They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
