Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
