its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
