i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
