it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
