I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Damn victory sex feels great
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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