would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
