i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
