Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
