remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
