Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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