One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
