guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
