Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
