i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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