I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
