how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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