theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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