So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Still dying that you shit outside
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
