After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
