my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
