do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
