He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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