I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
