I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
