I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
