he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
