Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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