I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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