I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
