ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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