ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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