Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
