Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
