Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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