I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
