A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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