I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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