i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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