So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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