Christians are straight up FREAKS
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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