went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
