It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
