I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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