I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
