College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
