omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
