Don't make out with my wife yet
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
