Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
