after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
